Grrr....Cardinals.....

Ee am very upset. Ee am zo upset eet ees been too 'ard for me to vrite!! Ztupid Cardinals! Ee spit on yoo! 'Ow could tey 'ave von? Ee do not understand! Ee tink tey must 'ave cheated, tose birds are evil!! Grrrr.....Grrr....Grrr...

Ee am zo annoyed, Ee can not eat nor drink. Eet ees impossible! Te poor Tigers. Ee 'ad zuch 'opes for tem. Tey 'ad zuch promise, zuch good game, Ee tought tey vould vin! Alors, non. Tis of course means Ee can not buy te land for te Flipside now zince Ee bet on te Tigers. Eet vas foolish Ee know, but Ee tought zurely tey vould vin, how could tey not? Grrrr....Ee tink eet 'as zometing to do vit te crime rate in St. Louis. Tey have te number one baseball team and the number one crime rate in America. Te Tigers are number 2 and live in te city vit the number two crime rate. Eef only Ee 'ad known tis information earlier Ee zurely would 'ave placed my bets differently. I vonder 'ow Zamanta vould like a bar een 'er backyard? Perhaps Ee could get a push cart and zell my drink upon the beach. Ack! Tat ees no good idea! Maybe Ee should go to St. Louis and "talk" to te Cardinals? Maybe Ee could build a time machine and make te Tigers vin or place a bet on te Cardinals. Hummm...Ee vonder how yoo build a time machine? Eef Ee did ten I vouldn't be zo poor...Vhat exactly ees a "Flux Compassitor" and vhere do Ee find a police box?

Moving te "FlipSide"

Ee do not recall eef Ee 'ave mentioned eet before, but Ee once 'ad a vine bar in Kalamazoo called te "FlipSide". Eet vas not so great Kalamazoo, but neiter vas te vine bar. Yoo zee Ee bought eet from some roaches for a dime Ee found on te zidewalk. Ee tried to "make it work" but my ex-vife and the God-Pidgeon got een te vay. Ee 'ad to turn eet over to te sled-dachshunds: Hoover, Eureka, Bissel, Oreck, Electrolux, Regina, Curbie, and te rest to compensate tem for emptying teir zavings account. Een retrospect eet vas not zuch a bad ting as just te police bears and te Medievalists showed up. Ee could 'andle te bears, but the Medievalists? Oh la la! Zuch party animals as Ee 'ad never seen. Eef yoo tought Ee vas bad yoo should zee tese Medievalists drink! Tere vas always dancing on te tables, loud recitations from "Beowulf" (te police bears liked tis very much), and far too much discussion of te crusades (tough tey vere good times Ee remember, tough a little too crunchy. Te Medievalist taste about te same as crusaders vitout the "desert dusting" seasoning. Medievalists have tat zame vine/hopps marinade to tem).

Zo Ee vent to Kalamazoo last veek and stopped in at te old glacier (Kalamazoo vas 'it vit an ice storm and never recovered--eet ees currently under a glacier tough te residents do not zeem to notice). Ee stopped eento te FlipSide and spoke to Hoover vho tried to show me te door, but Ee informed 'im Ee 'ad already zeen eet on my vay een. Anyvay, the dachsunds vere 'appy to zee me because tey vere tired of taking care of a bar. Tey vere very concerned about tis global varming ting and vanted to go back to Artic exploration vit Swiffer te Cat. Zo ve contacted zome Medievalists and 'eld an auction. Ee must admit te dachshunds did a very good job revamping te place, but tey are not very tall, zo tings higher tan a foot ofen did not fair vell. Ve zold eet to a Chaucerian for a lot more tan eet vas vorth considering ve drank te place dry te night before and now Ee tink Ee 'ave enough money to zet up shop in Zan Francisco. Eet ees unfortunate tere ees no glacier 'ere and te sled-dachshunds are off on anoter Artic adventure, but Ozzy zaid 'e 'ad very little to do and 'e vould 'elp out from time to time. My zon Fume Blanc 'as offered a vegan menu, but Ee am not certain Ee can conform to 'is new Organic-All-Te-Vay mentality. Now Ee just need to zelect a location...