Tere ees Noting to Zay...

Ee am fed up! No more! Ee 'ave 'ad enough! No more eenexpensive vine! Vhat ees vit tese people zerving me tis "stuff!" Do tey know vho Ee am? Ee am Maurice! Te Maginifique! And Ee do no drink bad vine! Ee also do no eat crumby cheese eiter, but yoo know 'ow eet goes! No one 'as taste anymore! Ee need to educate the masses! Ee also do no take being bossed around vell eiter. Ee can tink of a few people vho 'ave made "Te List of Consumation" and tey are een truble...big trouble, because Ee am being dispatched on a mission...For te first time in a year. Vatch out Commando, vatch out Rocky, vatch out Terminator...Maurice ees back and 'e's taking names and biting heads. However, dear readers, as long as yoo do no vork for any libraries changing their public hours yoo 'ave noting to vorry about, unless yoo are a bike rider vho no stops at stop signs, or eef you advertise eetems for sale and ten do no have tem een te store...eef yoo make tis list ten yoo should be afraid, be very afraid!!! Brewhahaha! Ruhahahaha! Ee 'ave no felt tis good een years. Eet ees time to kick some deriere and try tat 'eadcheese! First Ee vill go zee te dentist about sharpening my teeth!

Zo..."List of Consumption" now eencludes:

1. Libraries vho change their hours
2. Terrible vine and cheese
3. Bike riders vho no stop at stop signs
4. Italian food
5. Stores vho no carry vhat tey advertise
6. Smelly people
7. People on te Muni
8. People vho arbitrarily change teir minds
9. People vho can no make a decision to save teir life or my zanity
10 People vho no communicate
11. And as always, crazy people.

Ee am Maurice and yoo should be very, very careful no to piss me off!!

ACK!!ACK!!ACK!!! And Oter Reasons Ee 'Ate "Clubs"!!!

Vat ees vit tese people? Eh? Eh? Ee vant to know, maintenant! Ooh la la, my 'ead 'urts. Tese dinosaurs are craaazy! Zo, Ee attended my FDA (Federated Dinosaurs Association) meeting a few weeks ago and te leader of te pack ees tis crazy stegasaurus named Hildegard. Ohh, she ees zo unfriendly she greeted no one, but zat een a corner vhispering vit all 'er friends as tough she 'ad zome big secret. And ten, she started te meeting by zaying, "Well, since we can't get anyone to believe in our existance any more I propose we disband, crawl in our respective holes, and give ourselves over to extinction." Vhat ees she crazy? Ee am no crawling eento no 'ole! Tey are dark and do no 'ave a feather bed, wine, or a refridgerator! And Ee am no zurrendering to extinction! Eef Ee can live trough te Ice Age, te Dark Ages, and Disco Ee can live trough anyting! Zo vhat eef people do no believe Ee am real? Eet do no matter! Crazy, crazy, crazy Hildegard! Ee could take 'er and 'er pack down een a heartbeat! Ee 'ear stegasaurus burgers are quite tasty! Ee 'eard a rumor te Armadillo, te shark, and te Alligator vere going to form teir own club: AAS. Ee vonder eef Ee qualify? Do Ee really vant to be associated with a bunch of AASes? Perhaps Ee 'ad better go talk to my Neanderthal friends at NORAD (Neanderthals Of Radicalism And Determination).

Crazy dinosaurs...

Zo, Ee time traveled. Ee vent back een time and got myself zome good beer and vent to my good friend Sir Brett of the "Dragon Dogs on a Stick." Good times. Good times. Zo, Ee now 'ave a friend, obviously vit miraculous gifts. She blind folded me and vhisked me eento te park! Vhen Ee opened my eyes Ee vas een te middle of te Renaissance and Ee 'ad totally forgotten 'ow much clevage tere 'ad been! Ee also forgot te early versions of soda pop, garlic fries, and chinese food in te Italian Renaissance. And Ee also forgot everyone vas speaking English...vait a minute...!!! Tat vas no Renaissance!! Vell, tere goes my plan for taking over te FDA. Tat crazy Hildegard and 'er crazy visions!! Grrrrr.....Ee must speak to Nanette and te Frenchies about tis. Eet ees no vise to dupe a T-Rex. Ee does no bode vell for anyone, however, eet vas a good time. Zo Nanette ees forgiven. But next time, no silly talk about time travel!