Ee vas zupposed to post tis yeesterday:

Twas the night before Solstice and all through the ruin,
not a creature was stirring not even the druids;
the stockings were hung by the former chimney with care,
in hopes that the Solstice Bunny would soon be there;
The T-Rexes were nesteled all snug in their nests,
while visions of lamb-chops danced in their heads;
and mamma in her buffant, and I in my berret,
had just settled in from a long winter's forray,
when out in the feild there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the nest to see what was the matter.
Through the window I roared in a flash,
ripped open the curtains and tore off the sash!
The moon shone over the ice crusted field
and gave it a luster that made it seem weird,
when what to my dinosaur eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny micedeer,
with a jack rabbit driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Rabbit Nick.
Faster than pterodactyls his micedeer came,
and he whistled and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Attila! Now, Ghengis! Now, Napoleon and Wellington!
On Julius! On, Rameses! On, Romulus and Washington!
To the top of the castle! Over the mote!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As the dry leaves that before a dragon's breath flew,
I swear to you that this story is positively true,
so up into the Solstice sky they flew,
with a sleigh full of food, and Rabbit Nick too,
and then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
the prancing and pawing of each tiny hoof.
As I drew in my paw, and was turning around,
down the chimny Rabbit Nick came in with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
his fur was all tarnished with ashes and soot;
a big bag of food he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack,
his eyes-how they twinkled! His whiskers so merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn like a bow,
and the fur on his chin was as white as the snow;
the stump of a carrot he held in his teeth,
and the crumbs that encircled him glowed like a wreath;
He had a fuzzy face and a little round belly,
that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
He was suculent and plump, a right jolly elf,
and I laughed when I saw him inspite of myself;
a wisk of the ear and a twist of the head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
he said not a word, but went straight to his work,
he filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
and whisking his ears and twiching his nose,
he gave a great nod and up the chimney he rose;
he sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
and way they all flew like a swift flying kestrel,
but I heard him exclaim, before he drove out of sight
"Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night!"

Solstice Cheer...

Ee tought tat vhile Ee vas tinking of eet tat Ee vould post zome Solstice songs for all of yoo to zing this year.

"Stalking Prey"
Dashing through the trees
in a mostly bipedal way
over the swamp we go
laughing all the way: Grah ha ha!
Teradactyls o'er the trees
pointing out the prey
oh what fun it is to sing
a slaying song tonight!
Oh run like wind, catch your prey
eat it quick for now.
Oh what fun it is to slay
and eat on Winter Solstice Eve. Hay!

"The First Kill"
The first kill a T-Rex can make
is on certain poor shepherds in fields where they lay.
In fields where they keep their tasty sheep
In the cold winters' night He likes to creep.
Slaughtering, Slaughtering, Slaughtering sheep and shepherds
born is the instinct of a great killer.
They looked up and saw a T-Rex
shining teeth in moonlight above their heads.
And to the earth He dove his big head
and so He slaughtered both day and night.
Slaughtering, Slaughtering, Slaughtering sheep and shepherds
born is the instinct of a great killer.

Clifford zays tat tese are none too 'appy for te rest of yoo. Ee tink tey are very appropiate. 'Owever, 'e 'as zuggested a dachshund solstice song. Eet matches no music Ee know. Zo 'ere goes.

"Dachshund Solstice/Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter Song"
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!
We hunt, we forage for our food
sit and beg and bark some too.
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!
It's a night of turkey, roast beef, and ham
we don't even mind if you pull out the lamb.
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!
Anything you want to pass our way
like turkey gravy hey, hey, hey.
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!
And now our song is good and done
and all our tummy's are full! Arf! Arf!
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!
Hey ha fa la la la la
it's the dachshund song of Solstice time!

Ee know vhat yoo are tinking. Ee tink zo too. Tey 'ave one zong and keep replacing the 'oliday vord. Eee Gads! Vell to each teir own.

Darius, Yoor Fired!!

Ee tought eet vas a good idea to 'ire a spider to be my typist (vit all te legs, yoo know?), but not only did eet not vork but 'e 'as ruined everyting! Eet vas brought to my attention tat Ee 'ave an 'eavy accent and eet appears een my typing (yoo try being a T-Rex and type. Eet ees zo undignified!) Zo Ee gave Darius a job and dictated my journal. Not only vas 'e not 'eavy enough to press down on te keys, but 'e just zat tere and listened to Barry Manilow. (Ee do not understand tis eiter). Zo Ee fired 'im.

And ten 'e zevered my eenternet connection by 'iring zome racoons vho vork for te God Pidgeon. Now Ee 'ave a library card and ee can only type a little a time (eet takes a long time to type like moi. And eet vas not easy to get a card. Ee 'ad to promise to not drool on te keyboard vhen Ee concentrate. Grrrr....)

Zo yoo 'ave all missed much een my very eenteresting life. (C'est moi after all, tres interesting. All Ee can zay for now ees tat before Ee 'ead off to France for Vinter Solstice vit Babette et les enfants Ee 'ad a party to attend. Ee vent to a 'oliday party 'ere. Tere vere many engineers. Eet vas all choo choo trains tis and choo choo trains tat and 'ere Maurice 'ave anoter shot of vhiskey. Ee at first zaid "non! Ee like te vine. Eet ees very good." But tey vere tres insistant. (Alors, Ee vas very sneaky and Ee only drank martini's. Tey vere zo drunk tey never noticed). Zo Ee vatched tem all get drunk and party like frat boys vitch resulted in "massive 'urling" everyvhere. Ee do not tink many trains vere running te next day. Fortunately Ee drove my tank zo Ee did not 'ave to ride te trains. My good old tank Ee can not get my renewal sticker on. *&^%& Tank dealership for putting my license plate 'older on too tight. Grrrr....Ee should 'ave a vord vit tem.

Anyvay, Ee am back to typing myself zo yoo vill all just 'ave to put up vit the Francais, n'est pas? D'accord.