Darius, Yoor Fired!!

Ee tought eet vas a good idea to 'ire a spider to be my typist (vit all te legs, yoo know?), but not only did eet not vork but 'e 'as ruined everyting! Eet vas brought to my attention tat Ee 'ave an 'eavy accent and eet appears een my typing (yoo try being a T-Rex and type. Eet ees zo undignified!) Zo Ee gave Darius a job and dictated my journal. Not only vas 'e not 'eavy enough to press down on te keys, but 'e just zat tere and listened to Barry Manilow. (Ee do not understand tis eiter). Zo Ee fired 'im.

And ten 'e zevered my eenternet connection by 'iring zome racoons vho vork for te God Pidgeon. Now Ee 'ave a library card and ee can only type a little a time (eet takes a long time to type like moi. And eet vas not easy to get a card. Ee 'ad to promise to not drool on te keyboard vhen Ee concentrate. Grrrr....)

Zo yoo 'ave all missed much een my very eenteresting life. (C'est moi after all, tres interesting. All Ee can zay for now ees tat before Ee 'ead off to France for Vinter Solstice vit Babette et les enfants Ee 'ad a party to attend. Ee vent to a 'oliday party 'ere. Tere vere many engineers. Eet vas all choo choo trains tis and choo choo trains tat and 'ere Maurice 'ave anoter shot of vhiskey. Ee at first zaid "non! Ee like te vine. Eet ees very good." But tey vere tres insistant. (Alors, Ee vas very sneaky and Ee only drank martini's. Tey vere zo drunk tey never noticed). Zo Ee vatched tem all get drunk and party like frat boys vitch resulted in "massive 'urling" everyvhere. Ee do not tink many trains vere running te next day. Fortunately Ee drove my tank zo Ee did not 'ave to ride te trains. My good old tank Ee can not get my renewal sticker on. *&^%& Tank dealership for putting my license plate 'older on too tight. Grrrr....Ee should 'ave a vord vit tem.

Anyvay, Ee am back to typing myself zo yoo vill all just 'ave to put up vit the Francais, n'est pas? D'accord.