Lost een Zan Francisco...

Eet vas bad enouff te vreched DMV gave me zuch a defficult time vit my driver's liscence. Eet vas not my fault Ee 'ad no birt certificate, te records office should 'ave been around before te zo called "dawn of civilization." Te egomaniacs! Tey 'ave te nerve to tink tat just because 'umans invented civilization tat ve dinosaurs are not important! Crazy humans, Ee ate yoo at te dawn of civilization and Ee vill keep eatting yoo--but only ven yoo piss me off! Especially te morons at Mapquest tat do not know about construction zones and changes to te exits! (Tere ees tat court order edict to not eat 'umans unless Ee am zo provoked, but eet is zo 'ard not too!) Zo tere Ee was in my tank (vhen te American market come out vit a car large enouff pour moi eet vill be a great victory for all dino-kind!) trying to get back onto the freevay, but no human vould let my tank in. Ten after Ee blew a Volkswagen Jetta away wit te gun on my tank, only ten did Ee discover Ee could not go west on 'ighvay 80. Grrrrr..... Zo ten Ee found 'ighvay 101, but Ee vent te vrong direction and ended up in Daily City at an exit Ee could not turn around on and ten ven Ee did turn around Ee missed my exit again and ended up back vere Ee started. Zo Ee stopped at te "Hhappy Donuts"--ate a couple of clerks and vashed tem down vit zome coffee and krollers and headed to te Irish pub on Howard. Tey may or may not 'ave 'ad vine, but Ee drank a couple of kegs of Guiness, ate zome garlic fries, and called Zamanta to pick me up as Ee vas too intoxicated to drive anymore. She vas not very pleased because Ee do not fit very comfortably into her Zaturn and Ee 'ad to ride home on te roof. Eet should be noted tat eet ees 'ard to shout directions from te roof of a car and tat Zamanta sure yells a lot ven yoo try to give her directions from te roof of a car.