Eet 'As Been a Long Time, N'est Pas?

Zo, alors, yoo zee Ee 'ave been very busy. Ee 'ave 'ad no time to vrite to my friends, my family, te Easter Bunny, nor on tis blog. Eet 'as been very trying vhat vit all the "Dinosaur Makeover" Ee 'ave been undergoing. Eet ees difficult to find clothes my size een tis city. Today, Ee am sporting a fetching berret, a striped cravat, and florescent green snow pants. Eet ees cold. Zo cold te Easter Bunny called me from 'is 'ome in Kentucky last night. Te coversation vent as follows:

EB Maurice? Maurice? Can you hear me?
Me Vhat? Vho ees tis? Vhat do yoo vant? Ee am very busy vatching the Giants play the Dodgers--Yoo tere, stop kicking my zeat or Ee vill eat your sheboygan dog!!
EB Maurice? It's me, Edgar Bonapascal.
Me Edgar Bonapascal? Ee know no Edgar Bonapascal. Ee 'ave never 'eard of yoo...'Ow did yoo get tis number?
EB Shhhhh! That's my code name.
Me Code name?
EB Oh for crying out loud, Maurice! It's the Easter Bunny!!

And ten 'e 'ung up. Ee am still confused vhy 'e called.

Zo Ee vent to te dentist. Ee still 'ave all my teeth, but tey cleaned tem. Tey are very sparkly and shine nicely in te moonlight. Ee also vent to a spa and 'ad all my nails done. Tey are very clean as vell. My trial ees coming up zoon and Ee must look goood! Ee am still 'aving issue vith Men's Warehouse. Tey just do no make suits een my zize no matter vhat tat zilly man on t.v. zays. Ee vould like te vay Ee looked eef tey 'ad te zuit, but tey do no 'ave te zuit zo Ee can no zee 'ow Ee look! Yoo get te picture? Nor can Ee find descent shoes! Ee tink Ee vill 'ave to resort to taking a quick trip to Hong Kong and pay for a custom made zuit. Ee 'ave zome money zaved up een te back yard vhere only Ee know vhere eet ees. Vait, Ee tought Ee knew vhere eet vas. Eef eet ees no tere, ten eet ees een te oter place, and eef eet ees no tere ten Ee left eet een te oter zecret zecret place, and eef no tere ten Ee do no know vhere Ee put eet and Ee vill 'ave to rent a bobcat. Ees tat te same as a cougar or a mountain lion? Ee do no know. Ee 'ave already got one tough, my lawyer. Ee vonder eef 'e does double duty?