Cino de Mayo...

Ee am zure yoo tink tis ees all aboot drinking. Eet ees not. Or Ee should zay not yet...Anyvay, Ee 'ave been very busy, yoo know, vriting my memoirs, going to court, 'aving lunch vit te mayor. Eet 'as all been good. Anyvay, Ee am now geering up for tat crazy medieval congress. Zomebody must stop all te Chaucerians from producing more merde! Ee 'ave 'ad eet vit tem. Tey all tink Chaucer vas tis vonderful author. Vell, Ee know te truth, 'e stole all my eedeas!! Oh Oui! Te Parlement of Fowls, Te Cantebury Tales, Te Romance of Te Rose..all mine!! Yoo 'eard me!! Though Ee vill admit, Troilus and Cresede vas NOT mine. Zo tere Ee vas one night drinking zome vine, eatting a leg bone of a tax collector vhen tis drunk came up and asked to use my fire. Ee vas full, zo Ee zaid yes. And ten 'e asked me to tell 'im a story zince 'e vas in debit and vas looking to get out. Zo Ee gave him one, and ten another, and another, and now 'e's famous. Tat could be me eef Ee could 'ave 'eld a quill! Zo Ee am going to te Medieval Congress to give my paper: "Chaucer vas a fake; or why tat toad could no 'ave written 'is vay out of a barrel of vine" Eet ees a very good paper too, eef Ee do zay zo myself.

Court vent vell. Ee am now 1 zize smaller, Ee 'ave a zuit, and cleen shiney teeth. Eet zeems no one actually "missed" te ticket taker zo Ee vas seen as an "outstanding citizen" and paid a $5 fine. 'Owever, zince Muni trains 'ave been obnoxiously bad of late Ee did get very angry one night and tossed a tanker truck eento a piller on te 'ighway in Oakland. Vell, eef tey vere no going to fix te train problem, Ee 'ad to create another problem zo tey would add more trains. Eet all vorked out for me. Ee know many who congradulated me. Ee even got a medal of 'onor from te N Judah drivers union. Ve still 'ave no taken care of te vhole problem, but ve are still vorking on eet.

Ee am also no longer een te cast of "Legally Blonde". Te original girl got better. Ee knew eet vas only temporary anyvay. Ee now 'ave a job vith George Lucas. 'E originally told me tey needed no live dinosaurs zince tey vere zo good vit light and magic yoo know, but Ee zaid: "Oui, but Ee could eat yoo after Ee place a call to te DinoUnion." And yoo know, he zaid: "You're hired!" Oh 'ow Ee love te DinoUnion. Ve 'ave been trying to get a live dinosaur eento tat place for years. Incidently, eet vas Pino Noir vho vas te model for "Meet te Robinsons" and Ee am very proud of that boy!!

Much to do today. Zo no more vasting time reading my dinoblog! Ee do not celebrate Cinco de Mayo. 'Ow could Ee? 'Ow could Ee celebrate te downfall of Napoleon een Mexico? Ee tink Ee vill play zome dino opera tonight and drink zome very nice vine to celebrate te man. Eef 'e 'ad zucceeded te vhole vorld vould be speaking french...vhat a beautiful tought!