Riding on te Gravy Train...
Toot toot! Ee 'ave decided Ee need a new ocupation. Not tat gambling and drinking are bad ocupations, Ee just tink eet ees time Ee explored my options. Ee am now...Ee do not remember 'ow old Ee am. Ee tink Ee stopped counting after my tird millenium. Zo, Ee vas een te back yard drinking vine and vatching Clifford gardening vhen my squatter approached me.
Me: Bonjour.
Rat: Bonjour.
Me: Do yoo 'ave any particular reason to be 'ere?
Rat: Well yes.
Me: And tat ees?
Rat: Oh yes, well actually I've been temporarily evicted.
Me: From vhere?
Rat: Oh I was living down at the beach in the sewer, but the humans are doing some construction down there and I had to find a new temporary residence.
Me: Really? And yoo chose tis place?
Rat: Well yes. When I moved in there wasn't much of a yard and certainly no dinosaur.
Me: Ee see.
Rat: Is he your gardener?
Me: Clifford? No, 'e ees te zecurity zystem.
Rat: Seriously? He's not even 14 lbs!
Me: Tough little guy tough. Vorks more like a zecurity blanket. Yoo break een and zee te cute dog and start to play vit 'im.
Rat: Rrrriiight.
Me: Yoo got a name?
Rat: Polly Ann.
Me: Yoo related to Polly Ann's on Noriega street?
Rat: That's me.
Me: Zeriously? Yoo own Polly Ann's Ice Cream?
Rat: Yes of course, do you like it?
(much gushing and fawning at tis point)
Rat: I have a gallon of blueberry cheesecake and a case of Cianti would you like some?
Me: Cianti....Ee 'ave a daughter named Cianti..
And zo ve drank and ate and drank and ate and ate zomemore and Clifford ate zome and te zun vas shining and eet vas warm and ve laughed and laughed and Ee velcomed Polly Ann to te neighborhood.
Now Ee know Ee vas to get rid of Polly Ann, but 'ow can Ee turn down vine and ice cream. Eet ees like te voman could zee my zoul. Ee told 'er she could stay as long as she needed. Ee 'ave worked eet out vit everyone. Ve all get ice cream. Ve are all 'appy as a stegasaurus stomping trough te stream.
Ee vill start Jenny Craig after Polly Ann leaves.
9 comments:
Maurice, I can't imagine the ice cream is good for your diet, much less how easily you were bribed! What good is having a T-Rex if you don't act as a back up security system to Clifford!
Vhat? Ee still 'ave zome room in my clothes to expand. Eet ees not zo bad 'aving Polly Ann to stay. And Ee do not tink Clifford ees very effective as zecurity. Zure 'e barks big, but 'e ees not very scary.
Hey! I am too effective! People fear me! I'm a big dog! I'm a big, bad, barking machine. The postman sent me a letter saying I had to stay inside when he comes. I may be dashing and darn cute, but I can hold my own!
Te postman zent tat letter to EVERYONE. And Ee tink your modesty ees lacking dachshund.
Grrrr....Aaargrrrrr....Grrrrrr....
Do it again! Do it again! You are just sooo cute baby puppy!
Go get your glasses fixed voman!
You broke them Maurice!
Grrrr....Arrrrggggg...Grrrrr.....Rarrrrrr!
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