Ee Am No An 'Elp Line!!!

Vhat ees tis vorld coming to? Ee do no know zo much anymore. Zo tere Ee vas, zipping my vine yesterday afternoon een a cafe and te fone rings...

Me: 'Ello?

Unknown: I'm so upset, I just don't know what to do!!

Me: Paris?

Unknown: No, no, no. No one takes me seriously!

Me: Paris? Ees that yoo?

Unknown: I was well respected in New York and out here everyone treats me like I can't dance because I can't speak Viennese!

Me: Yoo mean German.

Unknown: No, I mean Viennese, the language they speak in Vienna! Besides I dance better than anyone at ODC, but everyone laughs at me!

Me: ODC? Te Orange Dinosaur Company? Vhy vould yoo need to know German for tat?

Unknown: Not German, Viennese! You know, for the Viennese Waltz! And I [sob], and I just hate this town, I so want to go back to New York where everyone knew me!

Me: Uuuhhh, oakay. Are yoo an orange dinosaur?

Unknown: No, I'm a llama!

Me: [snickering] Ten 'ow do yoo expect to dance vit the ODC? Eef yoo are a llama yoo should be dancing vit te llamas!

Unknown: I don't want to dance with the llamas, they are all purple! I hate the color purple! I want to be orange!

Me: Vhy exactly are yoo calling me? Ee am no an 'airdresser nor an 'elp line.

Unknown: You know people! You can help me!

Me: Ee am zo zorry, but Ee do no speak American zo vell, Ee only speak Canandian. Vould you like Paris 'Ilton's fone number?

Unknown: This isn't Paris?

Me: No.

Unknown: Oh...Can I get her number then?

[Click]

Ee am no exactly zure vhat just 'appened tere. Eet vas te most random ting! Anyvay, Ee ordered a plate of cheese and enjoyed te rest of te afternoon in peace. 'Ow very odd eet vas tough, very odd eendeed!