Valking te 2 x 4 to Zober...

Eet vas not like tey zerve French vine every night. Zo eet vas no zurprise Ee drank a leetle too much. First of all, Ee vas no zupposed to be tere, but zecond of all eet vas French vine night!!! Zo anyvay, after a very harried burrito at Del Taco, ve all vent to te vine bar, me and my Frenchies vhere ve listened to French music, ate French cheese, spoke French, and drank French vine. Eet vas a grand ole time Ee must zay. But eet vas vhen Ee came 'ome tat te story actually begins.

Ee came 'ome and Cleeford was all like "Maurice, you're drunk again!" and Ee vas like "Zo vhat eef Ee am? Ee can still valk a straight line!" Zo Cleeford zaid "Okay, try waking a 2 x 4!!" And zo ve vent out to te back yard and Ee attempted to valk a 2 x 4. Ee could no do eet! Ee could valk a straight line on te ground, but no on te 2 x 4! Zo, Ee am now petitioning te police to 'ave tem carry 2 x 4s in tere trunks to 'ave te drunks valk tem. Ee tink eet vould be a more good vay to catch te drunks! Ee am a classic drunk and even Ee could no do eet! Classic/chronic, Ee am still smarter tan Paris or Lindsey. Tey 'ave zo much to learn.

Een oter news, Ee 'ave started a new fashion of te red berret/crazy hats in Zan Francisco. Tese people are everyvhere copying me. Ee am zuch a trend zetter. Ee vear a 'at, now everyone vears a 'at. Ee carry a travel mug, now everyone carries a travel mug. Eet ees good to be a trend zetter! Perhaps Ee can start te "clown shoes" trend next?

And Ee got eento a fight on Muni te oter day. Zome guy vas being rude. Ee zay no one 'as te right to be rude but te French! Zo vhen 'e shoved me, Ee shoved 'im back--right up until te moment 'e got off te Muni and Ee shoved 'im out te door. Take tat yoo rude American!! Viva la France!! Vhat a complete moron. Yoo no try to be ruder tan te French. Eet no vork tat vay!

Anyvay, must get going. Ee got zome legal matters to attend to. Cleeford ees tinking of sueing a park for not letting 'im een. Eet ees racial discrimination to no admit furry four legged patrons!! Ve are very upset at tis and vant to ammend tis terrible zituation!! Cleeford 'as oter legal matters to attend to anyvay, zo ve need to get 'im a good lawyer. Zo Ee am off to te Park to look for one now. Ee should no be too 'ard eef Ee recall correctly!