Airport Security....

Eet ees not easy being green, nor ees eet easy being a dinosaur, nor one vho likes to drink before getting on a flight... Burgundy and Ee vere very lucky ve took Teradactyl Express. Ee 'ave never seen one child of mine take zo much crap to te desert for one veek. Ee told 'im eet vill be hhot. Burgundy zaid "But Papa, Ee vant to go out at night and party vit te DD." Vho are the DD? Ee asked suspiciously. "Papa, the Desert Dogs!!" Ohkay. Ee 'ad no idea vhat 'e vas going on about, but eef 'e vanted to lug all tat crap to Arizona ten good for 'im.

Ve stayed at Great Uncle Sinclair's. Technically 'e ees a Brontosaurus, but tey do not exist...so ve just do not discuss vhat GUS (Great Uncle Sinclair) ees. GUS ees very vealthy, comes from owning all tose gas stations (Ee should remind 'im Babette 'as a lot of excess gas 'e can 'ave. He, he, he!) GUS took us to Tombstone (tere vas no pizza! Ee vanted green peppers and anchovies, but no Ee only got a measly cowboy and a zide of horse! Humph!) Burgundy got shot. Eet vas vhile Ee vas looking for a snack at Boothill. Zomeone mistook him for an alien. Crazy SOB from New Mexico. Ve 'ad to find a 'ospital tat vould take dinosaurs and ve could not get back to Tuscon een time zo ve vent to te local DDWCF (Desert Dog Wholistic Care Facility). Ve met a very nice coyote named Billie vho took us een for te night. Eet vas very nice of 'er, but Ee vould 'ave prefered she not 'ave 'ad a rave going on vhile Ee vas trying to sleep. Burgundy did not obey te lizard doctor's orders and partied all night and burst his stitches and ve 'ad to take 'im back to te 'ospital te next day.

After te 'ospital ve vent to Tubac and 'ad French Food: French Vine, French Bread, and French Taco Zalad--Eet ees zo good. Ee love all tings French, tis yoo know. Ee also vent up te Mount Lemmon vit the cacti and te funky rock and te hhobit 'omes. Ee must zay Zmog really did a number up tere. Ee vonder vhat 'e 'as against ski resorts in Arizona? Te hhobits are rebuilding. Eet ees always good to see hhobits, tey don't 'ave lawyers to protect tem like hhumans. Fine eatting...Especailly in a nice dijon sauce vit mushrooms...And ten ve had Mexicans for dinner.

Ee vent by te dinosaur museum, but could not get Burgundy nor GUS interested. Burgundy zaid eet vas "boar-hing" and GUS zaid tey just liked to tell 'im tere 'e does not exist. Zo ve did not go een. (Remind me vhy Ee travel vit tem? Ee do not know eiter.) Ve vent to te Universite d'Arizona and rode te street car (much like 'ome) and 'ad Greeks for lunch. GUS chose, 'e vanted Gamma Upsalon Sigma. Ee did not care as long as eet came vit zome Greek zalad.

At te Taliesin Vest ve finally 'ad a nice nap in te pool. Ee got zunburnt and 'ad to empty te vine cellar een te cabaret to cope vit te pain. GUS vhined all te vay back because Hhe 'ad zunblock, but no one asked 'im for eet. Eef Ee 'ad known Ee vould 'ave used eet!!! And ten ve tried to go to Mexico, but ve did not 'ave our passports. Ee do not remember much else in Arizona. Burgundy spent a lot of time vit Billie te coyote and vearing ghetto gear. He did buy a cowboy outfit in Tubac to "blend een", but Ee do not tink eet vorked. For one, pink and green not such a good combination as yoo vill zoon discover...

Zo ve zaid our good-byes to GUS and vent to te airport. Eet turns out Burgundy had one vhole suitcase full of 'air gel. 'Air gel? 'E's a DINOSAUR!! 'E does not 'ave 'air!!! 'E also tried to smuggle back Billie een 'is suitcase. (Mon Dieu! Ee 'ave an idiot for a zon! Not only te 'air gel, but Billie? Nonononono! Billie vill eat Clifford for a snack...vait a minute...nonoononoo! Zamanta vill kill me eef zometing 'appens to te "babypuppy", but eet ees not zuch a bad idea, non?) Ee got detained because tey tought Ee vas a Mexican dinosaur and tey made me dump all my vine. Ee zaid "NOOOOOOO!" And Ee drank eet all een te airport. Ten tey zaid Ee vas too drunk to fly, zo Ee zaid Ee vould rent a car, but no Ee vas too drunk to drive. Zo Ee zaid Ee would take a train and tey pretty much didn't care, but ten Ee vomited all te vine and te cactus candy (Ee tink eet vas te combination) and ten tey put me in jail.

Zo tis ees my um tird time een jail. Eet's not so bad. Billie knows a good lawyer, a real snake and Ee should be 'aving my court date zoon at Elephant Head Mountain. Burgundy is staying vit GUS for now and 'as developed a fascination vit turquoise. Ee don't vant to hear eet, vhatever yoo tink. Ee don't vant to hear eet. Maybe Ee should 'ave left 'im and Arugula in Monaco...