Diamond-Back Dave...

Zo Ee vas visited by my lawyer today. Billie brought 'im in. All Ee can zay ees tat Ee am glad 'e ees a reptile. Billie claims 'e 'as not truly lost a case yet. Te few times eet vas close te judge, the prosecuting attorney, and te vitness all died rater zudenly. Billie zays Ee vill be out een no time. Ee look forward to real food again tough Ee 'ad plans to go to Jenny Craig Ee tink Ee vill put eet off for te time being.

Burgundy showed up tis afternoon. 'E vas vearing 'is pink cowboy outfit and all 'is turquoise. Ten 'e presented me vit a cheesecake. The cheesecake vas good, but 'e misunderstood te ingredients and put two packs of cigarettes and a file een eet...Oh Mon Dieu! Je suis stupid! Ee did not comprehend zuch an act...Ee should 'ave been filing my teeth to bite trough te bars vhile 'e was singing "Te Gambler" Ach! Ee tought 'e vas telling me now tat Ee vas een jail 'e vould be joining te "Dixie Chicks." Perhaps 'e ees not as stupid as Ee tought 'e vas. Maybe Ee am te stupid one...no, Ee still tink 'e should 'ave zaid zometing. Anyvay after Ee picked out my cigarettes Ee smoked a few vit Dave. 'E zaid Burgundy 'ad talent and could get 'im an agent. Ee do not tink eet vould 'urt 'im to zing vit te Dixie Chicks especially as teir career ees een te tank. Ee do not know tough. Ee vould rater 'ave 'im zing vit Barry Manilow. 'E vrites te zongs after all. But Dave, 'e tinks Burgundy should zing vit Neil Diamond. Tat vould not be zo bad eiter, te man did vrite many zongs about vine...